Writing a eulogy — a speech delivered at a funeral or memorial service — is one of the most difficult but meaningful things you can do. It's an opportunity to honour your loved one, share their story, and bring comfort to everyone who has gathered to remember them.
This guide takes you through the process step by step, with practical examples and prompts to help you write something genuine and moving.
Step 1: Gather Your Material
Before you write a single word, spend 20–30 minutes collecting memories, stories, and facts about the person.
### Prompts to Get Started
- What was their full name? Any nicknames?
- Where were they born and grew up?
- What did they do for a living? Did they enjoy it?
- What were their hobbies, passions, and interests?
- What were they known for among family and friends?
- What makes you smile when you think of them?
- What was their favourite saying, joke, or expression?
- What was the most important thing in their life — family, work, faith, adventure?
### Ask Others for Input
Reach out to family members, friends, and colleagues. Ask:
- "What's your favourite memory of [Name]?"
- "What word best describes them?"
- "Is there a funny story you remember?"
Collecting material from others does two things: it gives you more to work with, and it lets other people feel included in the tribute.
Step 2: Choose Your Structure
A good eulogy follows a clear structure. Here's a framework that works for most funerals:
### The 4-Part Eulogy Structure
| Section | Purpose | Length |
|---|---|---|
| 1. Introduction | Who you are, your relationship to the deceased, thank guests for coming | 30–45 seconds |
| 2. The Person | Who they were — their character, values, and what made them special | 2–3 minutes |
| 3. Stories and Memories | Specific stories that illustrate who they were — the heart of the eulogy | 2–3 minutes |
| 4. Closing | What you'll miss, a final farewell, and a message of hope or thanks | 30–60 seconds |
Total length: 4–7 minutes is ideal. Longer than 10 minutes and you risk losing people's attention.
Step 3: Write the Introduction
Your introduction should be brief and clear. State who you are and why you're speaking.
### Example Introduction
"Good morning. For those who don't know me, I'm Sarah, Margaret's eldest daughter. On behalf of our family, thank you all for being here today to celebrate Mum's life. Seeing so many familiar faces means the world to us."
Step 4: Paint a Picture of the Person
Describe who they were as a person — their character, values, and what made them unique.
### Example — Describing Character
"Mum was the kind of person who remembered everyone's birthday. Not just immediate family — she'd send cards to neighbours, old colleagues, even the postman. She believed that everyone deserved to feel seen and remembered. That was her gift."
### Prompts for This Section
- "They were the sort of person who always…"
- "If you needed [help/a laugh/a shoulder to cry on/advice], they were the one you'd call…"
- "Their favourite thing in the world was…"
- "What people will remember most about [Name] is…"
Step 5: Tell Specific Stories
This is the heart of your eulogy. Specific stories are far more powerful than general statements.
### Good vs Great Stories
| General Statement | Specific Story |
|---|---|
| "Dad loved football." | "I'll never forget the 1999 Champions League final. Dad had promised us a new bike if United won. When Solskjær scored, he ran out the front door screaming. The next day, we were at Halfords. He kept his promises." |
| "She was generous." | "Every Christmas, Auntie Pat would arrive with a bin bag full of presents — and somehow she'd remembered exactly what each of us had mentioned wanting six months earlier." |
### Tips for Choosing Stories
- Choose 2–3 stories — quality over quantity
- Include one light-hearted moment — laughter at a funeral is healing
- Keep it appropriate — avoid embarrassing stories or inside jokes that exclude the audience
- Ask yourself — "Does this story capture who they really were?"
Step 6: Write the Closing
Your closing should be brief and heartfelt. It's your final goodbye.
### Example Closings
"Mum, thank you for everything. For the bedtime stories, the packed lunches, the unwavering belief that we could do anything. You shaped who we are, and your love will stay with us always. Rest well."
"So that was John. Larger than life, stubborn as a mule, and the kindest man I've ever known. I'll miss you every day, my friend. Until we meet again."
Step 7: Edit and Refine
Once you have a draft, read it aloud. You'll quickly spot sentences that are:
- Too long — break them up into shorter, punchier sentences
- Too formal — swap "the deceased" for their name
- Too vague — replace general statements with specific details
### Editing Checklist
Delivery Tips
### Before the Service
- Print your eulogy in large font — you may be shaky
- Bring a backup copy — give one to a family member
- Have a glass of water nearby
- Designate someone to take over if you can't finish
### During the Service
- Take a deep breath before you begin
- Speak slowly — nerves make you rush; consciously slow down
- Make eye contact with the family, not the paper
- Pause when you need to — silence is okay
- It's okay to cry — everyone understands
### If You Break Down
Almost everyone worries about this. Here's the truth: if you cry, the audience will cry with you, not judge you. Have a backup plan:
- Ask someone to sit nearby who can take over if needed
- Mark a point halfway where your backup could continue
- Keep a tissue in your pocket
Full Example Eulogy (5 minutes)
Here's a complete example to show how all the pieces fit together:
"Good morning. For those who don't know me, I'm James, David's brother. On behalf of our family, thank you for being here today.
>
David was the eldest of four children, which in our family meant he was the responsible one. From a young age, he looked out for us — making sure we crossed the road safely, checking our homework, and keeping secrets from Mum and Dad that I won't share here.
>
He became a teacher, which surprised no one. He taught history at the same school for thirty-two years. Former students still stop me in the street to tell me how he made the French Revolution come alive, or how he stayed after school to help them with their coursework.
>
One story captures David perfectly. When I was going through a difficult divorce, he drove three hours each way every Sunday for six months. He'd arrive with a bag of groceries and a copy of the Sunday Times, and we'd sit on the sofa watching terrible afternoon television. He never asked how I was. He just showed up.
>
That was David — quiet, dependable, and endlessly kind. He didn't need to be the centre of attention. He was happiest in the background, making sure everyone else was alright.
>
David, thank you for being the best brother I could have asked for. You taught me what it means to show up for the people you love. I'll carry that with me every day. Rest well."
Alternative: The Group Eulogy
If multiple people want to speak, consider a group eulogy where:
1. One person writes and delivers the main tribute (5 minutes)
2. Others contribute a single story or memory (1–2 minutes each)
3. A closing reader ties everything together
This keeps the service flowing while letting more people participate.
What Makes a Eulogy Memorable
The best eulogies share three qualities:
1. Specific — not "he was kind," but "he remembered everyone's birthday"
2. Honest — nobody was perfect; acknowledging quirks and flaws makes the tribute real
3. From the heart — forget about eloquence; sincerity always wins
Writing a eulogy is hard because you're grieving. Be gentle with yourself. Write it in short sessions, ask someone to review it, and remember: the only thing that matters is that it comes from the heart. Everything else is secondary.